We all go through transitions in our lives when things greatly change. Massive change. I am approaching a time of change in my life. Midlife. (Oh my, did I actually say that? My mother’s been reveling in telling me I am “middle aged” for quite a while now…) But, truth is, if I live to be 90 (and I do plan to be 100) I am nearly half way there. Of course, there are hormonal changes taking place in my body which have been quite interesting (depending on the day and according to who is witnessing them ). Most of it has not been fun. My moods fluctuate at the drop of a hat. I find I am irritable and depressed and/or anxious at times. I’ve been a mother for a very long time and, of course, I am still a mother but my kids are grown and moved out now so that role for me has changed. Many changes. When you add to all of this the mix of energies on the planet right now, it can make for some internal chaos. (The planetary and cosmic energies are amped up right now as we have entered into a new era of awakening and higher consciousness ~~ but that’s another blog for another day.)
Through all of this, the pain and the frustration, I am finding that I know who I really am. It would have been stupendous to have this realization when I was younger…..I am actually not sure what held me back….fear or just the inexperience of youth? I don’t know if the energies have propelled me forward ….or hormones? But regardless, I love that I am no longer feeling afraid to be myself. (Which is absolutely liberating!)
There are still times that I struggle with feeling “different” and somewhat left out. I don’t fit in with what society calls “normal”. I don’t watch TV, I don’t see many movies , I don’t buy into all crap that society tells us we must do and be and have. I was watching TV the other day because I was waiting for something very specific to come on and I caught the last 10 minutes of a local show here called “Deco Drive”…..it’s all about celebrities and what they wear and what they’re doing and fashion. I remember thinking, “Do people really care about this crap?” I don’t care if I have the latest face cream, the newest fashions. And I was country when country wasn’t cool (some of you will remember that song and Barbara Mandell) and I still am a country-hippy-pagan-peacemaker. I care more about where our food comes from and what is added to it (re: Monsanto, but again, another blog for another day) and things like this. I’d love for there still to be a planet for my grandkids and their kids. Some of us have lost sight of what is really important. I am tuned into the energies, I “know” things that others are not always aware of (I am really learning to trust my intuition these days) and I am a healer, I am in touch with the spiritual realm so I am not “normal” (definitely not normal!) by most standards. I have learned to be OK with this and to accept that if other people think I am weird then that’s their business.
But back to the point I was trying to make. It is wonderful to be myself, speak my truth (regardless of who likes it or not) and to live my life without the fear that used to hold me back . It really struck me as I was driving home tonight and I watched an SUV almost run over a motorcycle (purely because the driver of the SUV was being stupid and impatient).I pulled up along side the SUV and I was going to tell them what I thought. (Nobody was hurt but someone could have been.) Fortunately (or not) the traffic started moving and I didn’t get the chance. Then I thought, “What in the world are you doing?…What if it was a crazy person…or a person bigger than myself? What if… What if…What if…?” And, although I am not advocating picking fights with people, if was truly liberating to feel no fear of speaking my truth.
With our world in such chaos right now and so many injustices, more of us need to become fearless when it comes to speaking our truth, walking our talk, and letting our light shine. Sure, we will come across many who resist us but we will also come across those who understand us. Most importantly, by being empowered ourselves, we allow those who are timid or afraid to also understand that it is perfectly acceptable to be empowered and to be themselves. We don’t have to conform to what society says we must become. I have always colored outside the lines and I am finally in a place in my life where I like it that way.
I think Marianne Williamson said it best. I love this quote. It used to hang on my bathroom mirror and I need to hang it up again.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” (Marianne Williamson)
Be yourself, stand in your own God/Goddess given power and know that you are spectacular and amazing and you are loved just as you are!! Get your shine on!
Kathy Lee 4/18/2013