Things My Cars Taught Me

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I had a jeep for 12 years and in that time, the rear view mirror would not stay attached. I finally gave up and it stayed off.  Then I got a newer car and I managed to knock the side mirror off of it three times in the course of a year. My old car also always had leaks both inside and out.   Now my new car also has leaks inside and out. (The fluids of the car leak OUT and the rain leaks IN.)

The Universe speaks to me in funny ways. This is one of them.

This is what it means. Mirrors that won’t stay on mean “Don’t look back” (Don’t spend time dwelling on the past; go forward.) The outer leaks mean “Don’t let anything drain your energy”  The leaking inside the car  mean: “Don’t let anyone or anything get INSIDE you to disrupt your inner peace.”

I had figured out the meaning of the mirrors a long time ago. Today is when the other message about  the leaks came to me.

The messages became clear by a  letter I received from a former friend who I had a falling out with. He got angry  2 years ago about the events of my life that I had posted on Facebook.  (I had posted about a client who did not show up for his appointment. I figured out that he had been looking for a less than ethical massage session. I was discussing the situation on facebook. I was annoyed.) My former friend  was a “spiritual teacher”  and published author. After this facebook incident that he clearly  did not like, he  decided to  “unfriend” me and write me a letter to tell me  that my life, my word and my consciousness were SHIT and he no longer wanted to be associated with me or see my “shit”. (Yes! He said I was SHIT! After being a close friend/father figure for 9 years!)  So, I said, “Thank you for your input, close the door behind you on your way out.”  (Buh-bye.) And I congratulated him on joining the ranks of those who found me unacceptable. (smiley face)

Well, two years later, yesterday,  I received an apology. He was generous  enough to say that he still cares about me (“as a person“) and that he was at fault with his dumping our friendship. In essence, he told me it was his fault because he thought I was someone that I was not.

His words:

It was about my stupidity and unwarranted expectations.”

 

“It seems I wanted you to be more than you want to be.”

 

“Your writing was so advanced that I thought you were the person who did the writing. It was what you learned and you were not yet quite ready to live all of it. That is understandable…I simply expected too much.”
“I have no demands on how you “should” handle this.”
“If you choose to connect by email, feel free, but it is not a requirement. I don’t want to see your FB however. TMI.”
(((((My writing has ALWAYS been my own. And I DO live it to the best of my ability.)))))
 
 
He told me that he gave me excellent advice and the highest truth and I simply failed to meet his expectations. He also shared with me that his life is “perfect”. 
 
This is lovely. I am so happy for him that he knows the highest truth and lives a perfect life. 
 
Well…..So?…….OK.
 
Whatever.
 
I’m not on this earth to meet anyone’s expectations. I do consider myself a spiritual teacher but certainly not because I am perfect or my life is perfect. My life has been a series of lessons and searching for answers.  I am absolutely a work in progress. (As we all are!) It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. I  offer no apologies. 
I decided a while back that I would live portions of my life out loud. I write. I share on Facebook. I don’t share intimate details of things but I share things that we all go through. Things that  we can discuss and learn from and bounce off each other in this crazy thing called life. We can give and receive support.  I  learn from by listening to the input of other people as well.  So, I share. I am open. I have no desire to live in a bubble. And I am no saint. I never said I was.  (I never promised anyone a rose garden!) I also share thing that I feel are important to raise awareness. Sometimes, I get rather passionate about things. (Again, I offer no justifications or apologies. It’s me. I am who I am. Take me or leave me.) Image
We are spiritual beings having a HUMAN experience. That means we have good days and we have bad days. We experience the gamut of human emotions and experiences.  This is normal. This is human. Even one of our greatest spiritual teachers experienced emotions and expressed them. Jesus got angry at the money changers at the temple, He cried when Lazarus died, and he agonized before his crucifixion. He also felt great love and compassion. Jesus had emotions that were HUMAN and He expressed them. So why would it ever be considered wrong  that I do the same thing? 
 
It is my goal to be “me” and live a life that is true to myself and authentic and connected to our Source.  I want to  be free speak my truth. Spirituality is not about “perfection” but, rather, about being who you were born to be, being authentic, being free.  It took me 40 years to reach this point and I’ve spent the last 5 and 3/4 years living my truth. Finally. What liberation. 
 
What I have learned is this. When you learn to stand in your own power and speak your own truth, there will be those who leave your life.  You have to expect this. This is because they do not like the person you have become. They prefer the old person who was a doormat, easy to control, easy to manipulate.  Easy to step on. They don’t like that you have your own thoughts, feelings and opinions. They prefer quiet and submissive, even in friendship., they do not like the challenge to their own perceived “authority”. When this happens, let them go. Say “Goodbye” and keep moving forward. 
 
 
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So, my car has taught me this. Keep looking forward.  Don’t look back and don’t get stuck in the past. Don’t let things and/or people drain your energy with their negativity and judgments of you. And don’t allow things to come inside your space and disrupt your right to be who you are and absolutely do not let things disrupt your inner peace. (Yes, I am still learning this last one. It’s been a HUGE lesson.) 
 
It’s interesting because I have been hammered by these lessons over the past few years. Maybe it’s time I finally got it. Yes, I am writing about it. I am sharing. I am also learning. I am also trying to live, in each moment, what I write about. I’m trying. That’s all I can do.  I don’t know if this former friend knows about or reads my blogs. I will not respond to his condescending statements of how I failed to meet his expectations. I am sure that he did not expect me to address his comments in a blog. (HA. HA. HA. Talk about “too much information.”) 
 
Another friend said this to me today while we were discussing this incident, ” I think we just need to sever certain ties. And I think sometimes people come back, or into our lives, to strengthen our resolve to improve our behavior.”
 
So, yes. Thank you former friend. And thank you people who have presented this to me, yet again, recently. Thank you for helping me to remember to accept and love myself EXACTLY AS I AM. Thank you for reminding me that I am free to be the beautiful person that I am.  I am a perfect “me”. Thank you for reminding me that I do not have to judge myself based on anyone else’s standards. Thank you for reminding me of the foolishness of allowing someone else to take away my inner peace. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I will continue to let my light shine in my own unique way. I am a beautiful Goddess, incarnate. As we all are. We are ALL Divinity incarnate. We are all beautiful. We are all unique. Stand proud in your truth and your beauty and don’t let anyone extinguish your light. Image
                       Namaste 
                                Kathy Lee 6/22/2013 
                                           www. tigerlilysgarden. com 
 
 
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